Blessings and Struggles

jessicareadthis

I can’t even organize my thoughts, much less my feelings.

I feel…

1. I don’t like my physical self. I used to be cute and pretty, but now I feel fat and ugly. This is shallow but this is how I feel.

2. I need to do something about that.

3. Eat better. Exercise. Literally the answers are IN MY FREAKING FACE and I just stare blankly past them and wonder wtf is happening in my life. It’s time to do something. I can’t stand this anymore.

4. I could start by walking my dogs every day. Yeah, it’s hot af here but they need the exercise and I need the exercise and Cam is chubby too. My precious Cam.

5. Food. I do fine until I drive home from L’s house. That shit’s gotta stop.

6. I have to stop going over there. I spend every single evening there and it’s no bueno. I can’t do it anymore. I keep saying I won’t, then I do, then I regret it. wtf. Why am I not in control of my own life? It’s my life. Time to control it.

7. Money. Wow. It’s bad. I need to get this all in order. I spend money that I do not have on the dumbest things (see 5 & 6). Control! Why don’t I have control over my own life? That’s so silly! This is MY life and I’m just filling it with really bad choices. Stop.

8. Just stop.

9. I hate social media but I don’t stop using it. Again…why? Why am I not in control of my own life?

10. So now we have to change. What’s the plan?

a. Break up with L. It sucks majorly, but it’s time. It’s just time. It will give me free time, less stress, less self-hate, more money, more health, more sanity. I have outgrown L. Not saying I have grown UP and L hasn’t but change happens.

  • Don’t go see L anymore this week. Don’t text 1st. Be done. Move forward, not in circles.

b. Walk the dogs, damn it.

c. Come up with a finance plan. Stick to it.

  • pay bills
  • buy groceries
  • that’s it
  • no more junk
  • you’ll save a ton of gas by breaking up with L
    • and $$
  • cut up the credit cards. now. literally stop typing this and do it okay it’s done
  • List 5 things a week for sale on ebay
  • What is LetGo? Get those Disney snow globes on there. Get rid of stuff. I hate stuff.

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