Blessings and Struggles

I can’t even organize my thoughts, much less my feelings.

I feel…

1. I don’t like my physical self. I used to be cute and pretty, but now I feel fat and ugly. This is shallow but this is how I feel.

2. I need to do something about that.

3. Eat better. Exercise. Literally the answers are IN MY FREAKING FACE and I just stare blankly past them and wonder wtf is happening in my life. It’s time to do something. I can’t stand this anymore.

4. I could start by walking my dogs every day. Yeah, it’s hot af here but they need the exercise and I need the exercise and Cam is chubby too. My precious Cam.

5. Food. I do fine until I drive home from L’s house. That shit’s gotta stop.

6. I have to stop going over there. I spend every single evening there and it’s no bueno. I can’t do it anymore. I keep saying I won’t, then I do, then I regret it. wtf. Why am I not in control of my own life? It’s my life. Time to control it.

7. Money. Wow. It’s bad. I need to get this all in order. I spend money that I do not have on the dumbest things (see 5 & 6). Control! Why don’t I have control over my own life? That’s so silly! This is MY life and I’m just filling it with really bad choices. Stop.

8. Just stop.

9. I hate social media but I don’t stop using it. Again…why? Why am I not in control of my own life?

10. So now we have to change. What’s the plan?

a. Break up with L. It sucks majorly, but it’s time. It’s just time. It will give me free time, less stress, less self-hate, more money, more health, more sanity. I have outgrown L. Not saying I have grown UP and L hasn’t but change happens.

  • Don’t go see L anymore this week. Don’t text 1st. Be done. Move forward, not in circles.

b. Walk the dogs, damn it.

c. Come up with a finance plan. Stick to it.

  • pay bills
  • buy groceries
  • that’s it
  • no more junk
  • you’ll save a ton of gas by breaking up with L
    • and $$
  • cut up the credit cards. now. literally stop typing this and do it okay it’s done
  • List 5 things a week for sale on ebay
  • What is LetGo? Get those Disney snow globes on there. Get rid of stuff. I hate stuff.

naked shower gels & other weird stuff

**DISCLAIMER** None of these photos are mine. I just googled them. Do that reverse image search and you can see where they came from.

So in my Lush box this month – well, technically last month – I got some of their weird new products and some of my favorites.

Let me tell you about this Oaty Creamy Dreamy Oat Milk Shower Cream which is, IMO, a stupidly long name that isn’t user friendly. Ah, Lush. So typical. So it FEELS like washing with their Dream Cream lotion, which is awesome. I got a pot of that too, and it’s heaven for my skin, especially since I live in the desert. It’s super thick. Like hair gel thick. Actually, the product I use in my hair isn’t even this thick. But the smell! *Gags* It has a herbal, medicinal smell. A friend of mine asked if it had basil in it. I don’t think it smells like basil and it wasn’t listed in the ingredients, but who knows. That whole “perfume” thing Lush does is always conoatyfusing. It makes my skin feel nice, but no better than Aveeno’s various Skin Relief body washes, which smell better & are far cheaper.

Anyway. I also got Bubby and Rose Jam naked shower gels. I’m just not down. They smell just as great as the regular shower gels, they lather nicely, but they are insanely pigmented, which is odd. Here’s my issues with them. Where do I store them? If I put them on my regular shower rack, they end up melting with the heat and condensation, and then they stick together. How would I travel with them? Ziplock bags? I don’t know. If I a separate rack outside of the shower that they could sit on and nicely dry, maybe I’d like them better? But I also have 4 dogs and dog hair managesolidss to get EVERY where (HOW????). First thing, I saw a nice little doggy hair on my Bubbly. I’m going to stick to my regular, wasteful shower gels thanks. I got a regular Berry Berry Christmas and I really liked how it smelled but it’s winter in the desert and I need more moisture than that.

I got some of my favorite products too – Ocean Salt, Dream Cream and King of Skin (which is my king for real. I can’t function without it in the winter).

Here is a fun, money saving tip for you. If you live in the USA, it is cheaper to order from Lush UK and pay shipping than to physically walk into a store. Look at this:


And then if you went to a store?

bYou have to ignore the tax & shipping cause IDK what your tax will be.

And the conversion rate?c

You still can get samples, but you’ll save lots of money AND you won’t be chased around the store. Lovely. Unless you like that. Personally, I just save up all my black pots & only go to the store for the free masks. And samples.

2018’s 10 Songs I’m Listening to Right Now

After not touching this blog for almost a year, I noticed a post about the 10 songs I was listening to last January, so I’m doing it again.

Boots by The Killers It’s a Christmas song. It’s so good. The video gives sweet, teary eyes. It’s amazing. Do yourself a favor and click that link.

Walk on Water by Eminem I love Revival. I think it’s a FANTASTIC album. I don’t care what the critics say. I think they all wanted another Slim Shady album. Yes, Slim Shady is like this happy memory in my musical history. I love it, I still listen to it, it was my first 2 years of college album(s). But that was like…18ish years ago. Eminem has grown up and so have I. All of that is reflected in this album. In this song, when he says “it’s a facade and it’s exhaustive” I feel that. You can’t be the same person forever! We all grow…and we are all hard on ourself.

Creature Comfort by Arcade Fire I don’t even know where to begin with my love for this song. It’s about self-worth and depression and possibly the expectations of living in a voyeuristic social media age. I don’t think I’m reading too much into it. All that aside, it’s also extremely fun to sing at the top of my lungs.

Sit Next to Me by Foster the People Speaking of songs that are reflective of growth, remember Pumped Up Kicks? Loved that song. Love this one even more. It’s a fun song. It’s fun to sing along to. Everything about it is fun.

Redbone by Childish Gambino Seriously yall, I just realized that Donald Glover and Childish Gambino are the same person. Oops. I had no idea. When I realized, it was when I was looking at Grammy nominations and wondering why a picture of Donald Glover from the TV show Atlanta was doing next to the nomination for Childish Gambino.

I Fall Apart by Post Malone Why do I like this song? Why do I like Post Malone? Idk, but I do. I like the intensity of this song, but I also kind of like that the lyrics make me laugh. “Whippin’ in the foreign and the tears keep flowin’.” I mean, how RIGHT NOW is that line? Whippin in the foreign. I drive a Kia. Does that mean I could be whippin in a foreign?

Remember That Night by Grouplove The line “Am I stupid or do I want you back” is a little bit confusing. Shouldn’t it be “because I want you back”? Anyway, who cares? I like this song. It’s fun, it’s funky, it’s great to sing while stuck in traffic. Sing it LOUD, with the windows down! Unless you live in one of those places where it’s cold. I think it’s been FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC here. Temps in the 60s! (That’s Fahrenheit cause, you know, America.)

Perfect Places by Lorde So, Lorde is great. This song is great. How can you not love her and this album? It just makes me wanna be her BFF, even if I could be her mom…if I’d had her as a teenager. I digress. What are Perfect Places? It’s a nice philosophical question, isn’t it? Talk about it with your friends when you’re stoned. It’s a flashback to being 19 and on fire.

Suit & Jacket by Judah and the Lion This is one of those wishful, I WON’T GIVE INTO THE MAN type of songs that I adore. Best line? “I ain’t trading my dreams for no 401k.” I WISH! I WISH SO MUCH! That’s a whole different topic though, isn’t it?

Young Dumb & Broke by Khalid I’m not any of the things listed in the title, but this song is so much fun. I’m definitely not in high school anymore. I mean, my daughter is in high school and my 20 year reunion is this year. Wow. But this song offers some sort of fun, freedom and I miss that freedom.

List 10 Songs That You’re Loving Right Now

Ooo! Okay! I do love my music.

In no particular order, here’s what on my Apple Music lists right now:

  1. Black Beatles by Rae Sremmurd. I have no idea what it’s about. Strippers? IDK. It has a fun beat and it’s a “real crowd pleaser.”
  2. Giant by Banks & Steelz. I just want to be as cool as RZA now and when I’m his age!
  3. Sedona by Houndmouth. I’ve been listening to this song for a good year. I love it. Love the band, love the song. LOVE IT.

Continue reading “List 10 Songs That You’re Loving Right Now”

Five Ways to Win my Heart

I don’t even know if it’s fair to write about this. I’m not sure there is a way to win my heart! But I’m going to think about this and be serious. Sort of. If I can.


Number 1: Have a grown up job where you get health insurance, a 401k, and can pay your bills. That is always attractive.

Continue reading “Five Ways to Win my Heart”

List 5 Places You Want To Visit

Ooo! Five places I want to visit. Well, there are some places i want to visit again, but I’ll skip those for now!

In no particular order:

  1. TIBET! I’ve been fairly obsessed with Tibet for some time now. It may have started after I watched that 1997 movie Seven Years in Tibet with Brad Pitt. Probably. I have this burning desire to see (not climb!!!) Mount Everest, to go to the Potala Palace and see all the beautiful works of art and architecture, to meet people and pet a yak, and to see the Rongbuk Monastery at the bottom of Mount Everest. It would be a dream come true!
  2. The CONGO! Yes, as in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I am aware this is not likely, not safe and not feasible. See, it all started with the greatest book I have ever read, Barbara Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible. It’s set in the Congo and it is the most amazing book ever. It does nothing to glamorize the Congo, but I still want to go, desperately. This deep part of me feels that I can do these dumb, survivalist type things (I probably can’t, tbh) and I feel as one with the Congo. At least, with the Congo of my imagination.

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Write About Someone Who Inspires Me

I wish I could be one of those people with lists of inspirational folks in their lives. But instead I am inspired by many traits and things.

I admire the huge undertaking of Martin Luther King, Jr. What a weight to carry.

I find inspiration in JK Rowling’s rags to riches story.

I have admired the story behind Walt Disney.

But I don’t know why I don’t have anything to pinpoint.

Continue reading “Write About Someone Who Inspires Me”